Landon and Elise stand on the threshold, decked out in emerald formal wear and black satin masks. Sebastian and Lilith linger beside them, both in silver masks, and my heart thuds to the bottom of my stomach. It doesn’t matter that my brother and Elise separate them; they arrived together, a glamorous unit that makes sense.

  As I take in his onyx tux and Lilith’s off-the-shoulder gown that does little to hide her baby bump, I swallow down nausea. They fit together better than he and I ever will, and everyone can see it—even from across the crowded ballroom.

  The distance between us has never felt so wide.

  “She doesn’t hold a candle to you.”

  I stiffen in Liam’s arms. “She’s the mother of his child.”

  If the news of Lilith’s pregnancy wasn’t out before, it is now, the evidence in plain sight for the guests to gossip about.

  He cradles my face, demanding my attention. “She’s not you.” Pain slashes his features, playing in the shadows of our memories as his lips touch mine. His kiss is soft and brief, and it’s laced with the bittersweet taste of goodbye. “She can never be you.”

  “Liam.” Sadness squeezes my vocal cords.

  Clearing his throat, he nods toward Sebastian. “He’s the one you want.”

  I meet a pair of turbulent blue eyes, and my chest constricts. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

  “He knows that. So do I.” Liam lets me go. “It’s okay, my sweet girl. Go to him.”

  With a hard swallow, I head toward Sebastian, my limbs as shaky as the courage that threatens to crumble with each step.

  3

  It’s impossible to gauge Sebastian’s mood. A storm brews in the depths of his ocean eyes, but they remain as guarded as the day I met him six years ago. Fear rises in my chest, threatening to steal my courage, but I can’t back down now. With my attention solely on him, I block out the surrounding commotion, the music, the people.

  Especially Lilith.

  “Can we talk?” I ask, struggling to keep my voice steady.

  He sends a cursory glance down my body, lust igniting his gaze, but an instant later, it’s gone.

  I imagined it. He arrived with Lilith, for heaven’s sake, and if that doesn’t say “stay away,” I’m not sure what does. Earlobes burning, acid roiling in my belly, I steel myself for inevitable rejection.

  But instead of wrecking me with a public display of humiliation, he grabs my hand, and we go from loitering on the threshold of the ball to staking our claim on the middle of the dance floor.

  “Say what you need to say.” With his clipped demand, he pulls me against his solid chest, trapping me in an eternity of breathless, heart-pounding shock.

  Why isn’t he yelling, snarling, or running in the other direction?

  “Is this….us dancing…is this allowed?” I gesture at our mismatched masks.

  “It’s just a dance, princess. It’s not like I have you naked on a secluded island.”

  His derision is so much worse than anger. Shame heats my cheeks, and though my first urge is to avert my eyes to hide the guilt in them, I hold his stare. I couldn’t look away if I tried.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry?” He raises a brow. “What are you apologizing for?”

  “Everything.”

  “That’s a cop-out answer. Everything could mean anything.”

  “It doesn’t mean what you think it does.”

  “You have no idea what I’m thinking.” He grits his teeth, but despite his hard-headed stubbornness, he pulls me closer, his possessive hold betraying the desire kept just below the surface.

  I grip his shoulders, afraid he’ll back out of this moment and leave me bereft. “I’ve missed you so much,” I say, my tone a plea for absolution.

  “That’s hard to believe, considering you had your lips on Castle not even five minutes ago.”

  He’s jealous…and that gives me hope. Jealousy means feeling. It means he still cares.

  “The kiss was goodbye.”

  “I can’t be your second choice, Novalee.”

  “Is that what I was to you when you screwed Lilith goodbye?”

  His jaw clenches. “That was different. You and I weren’t in a committed relationship yet. After that night, I chose you over her, and I haven’t gone back on that decision once.”

  “You’re here with her tonight.”

  “Jesus, Novalee. She’s Landon’s sister. She’s here with them.” His furious gaze settles over my shoulder. “Despite everything we’ve been through, I’ve given you no reason to doubt me.”

  “You’re right.” Averting my gaze, I swallow hard. “I’m sorry.”

  “Sharing your body with the Brotherhood is hard enough—on both of us. I can’t share your heart too.”

  With a shaky inhale, I slide my hand along his rough cheek. “You could never be my second choice.”

  The tempo shifts, and he whirls me around before embracing me from behind. “What about on that island?” His front is flush with my body, his hands on my hips, the pads of his fingers hot on my lace-covered skin. “Was I front and center in your mind?”

  “Always.”

  “So he forced you to take your clothes off?” Sarcasm drips from his veiled accusation.

  “The situation was…complicated.” It’s not what he wants to hear, or even how I want to explain, but uttering that simple fact is all I’m capable of right now.

  Because his proximity has crossed the wires in my brain, bringing about an endless string of misfires that render me incoherent.

  “There’s nothing complicated about the way you make me feel.” He arches into a titillating gyrate against my ass, hips in perfect unison with mine, and I shiver as his mouth grazes my ear. “You’re an indecent little tease in this scrap of lace. I’m tempted to take my hand to your ass, to hell with the consequences.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, I would, and you’d deserve every second.”

  As my heart palpitates in time to the beat, the dancers around us blur into slow-moving shadows.

  His possessive hold tightens on my hips, bordering on painful. “You’re begging for my cock in your tight little ass. God, princess,” he groans. “What I’d give to fuck it right now in front of these uptight assholes. What I’d give to make you cry.”

  “You have every right to be upset with me.” Unrealized tears burn my eyes, but deep down, I know he wouldn’t hurt me like that.

  Like Pax forced Liam to.

  “Novalee,” he rasps, “I’m not upset. I’m fucking wrecked.”

  “You’re the last person I ever wanted to hurt.”

  “Did Castle take your ass?” he asks, tone dripping in scorn as he barrels right past my attempted apology. “I bet he did, and I bet you loved every second.”

  Pushing out of his arms, I turn to face him, my pulse hammering, eyes stinging. “Every second hurt.” Blinking in rapid succession, I try to staunch the memory of my time in the dungeon with Liam and Pax, but the pain of what we did hangs on my lashes, no matter how hard I try to tamp it down.

  Sebastian goes stock-still, assessing all I left unsaid through the fracture in my expression. “He hurt you?”

  “N-no.” The denial shakes off my lips, disguising the horrific truth in it. “That isn’t…that’s not what I meant.”

  “I don’t believe you.” The storm is back, transforming his features as his attention lands on Liam, who’s standing with Landon, Vance, and Tatum near the buffet. The four of them must be deep in conversation, because the chancellor doesn’t glance my way at all, when he usually can’t take his eyes off of me.

  “I’ll fucking kill him,” Sebastian growls, on the move before I can stop him.

  “Sebastian, wait!”

  But he’s already barreling through the crowd toward the target of his rage, and by the time I catch up, he’s sent Liam crashing into the buffet table.

  “You sick bastard.” Sebastian yanks him up by the lapels before slamming him into a wall. “You forced her, didn’t you?” Eyes alight with murder, he grips Liam by the throat.

  “Sebastian,” I shriek, tugging on his arm. “Stop!”

  My shouted plea falls on deaf ears. Sebastian refuses to budge, and it takes Vance and Landon’s help before he backs down.

  Liam gulps in air, wheezing through every breath. “You’re out of your mind,” he chokes, one hand massaging his neck.

  “I’ve never been more clear-headed.” Sebastian sneers at the chancellor. “You might have fooled her and everyone else, but you don’t fool me. You made sure she was defenseless on that island.”

  I brush my fingers over Sebastian’s arm to get his attention. “Please…let me explain.”

  Training his pain-filled eyes on me, he shakes off Landon’s hold. “I know all of your expressions, princess, and I know he fucking hurt you. What I don’t understand is why you’re protecting him.”

  The music cuts out, leaving dead silence in its wake as masquerade guests crowd around us. Mortification spreads over my skin, from my chest to my cheeks.

  Landon clears his throat. “You two should finish this conversation in the hall.”

  “Sounds like a good idea to me.” Sebastian drags me out of the ballroom, and my heels click across the marble floor behind him in a desperate, linear tap dance as I try to keep up with his furious strides. To slow him down, I clutch the back of his jacket.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “You heard Landon. We need privacy for this conversation.” Whirling around, he stops in the deserted hallway, his icy blue gaze pinning me from behind a silver mask. “Tell me what happened with Castle.” The cross of his muscular arms contradicts his even tone.

  Now that I have his undivided attention, I falter.

  “Your silence has never been so honest, Novalee.”

  I need to tell him everything that happened—on the island and in the dungeon—but the thought of spilling the details shoots bile into my throat. I’m trying to verbalize the trauma of the past few weeks when two masquerade guests pass us by.

  Our gazes lower to the floor, and we shuffle away from each other until the couple disappears around the corner.

  “Spill it,” he demands.

  “I-I don’t know where to start.”

  Sebastian shakes his head, his dress shoes threatening to go into retreat-mode. I fear he’s going to bolt until he pulls me into a conference room. The door closes, warding us off from prying eyes, and the space is dark, intimate…private. As the shadow of his anger looms, he backs me into the door, caging me in, his chest heaving against the tips of my needy breasts.

  Other than that slight contact, he doesn’t touch me. His quick and shallow breaths do, the heat of his body, the woodsy scent coming off his skin. God, he smells like the only place on earth where I belong.

  “I want the truth, princess.” He dips his head, blue gaze shrouded in the darkened room, but I feel that heated stare teasing my lace-covered nipples. “No matter how much it hurts to hear it.”

  “On the island…Liam…it took him weeks, but he wore me down, and…I am so sorry you saw what you did that morning.”

  Sebastian jerks away as if my confession gave him a physical blow.

  Faced with his heartbreaking disquiet, I force myself to continue. “I was weak, and I despise myself for it.” Three rapid blinks send the tears down my cheeks. “But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

  Taking in a shaky breath, he pulls a hand through his hair. “So he didn’t force you?” His strangled tone jump-starts my heart, and I hold on to his tense shoulders, hanging on for dear life.

  “No. He stopped after I couldn’t give him what he wanted. Even though we were alone on that island, my feelings for you stood between us, Sebastian. They always have.”

  He backs me into the door again, a dangerous exhale hitting my lips as our chests mash together. “But you let him touch you.” It’s not a question but a confirmation—as if he needs to hear it again before he’ll believe I betrayed him.

  “Yes.”

  “You wanted him to touch you.”

  I nod, unable to voice the affirmation, and an immeasurable beat passes before he prods me further.

  “If he didn’t force you, then why did you look so destroyed when I brought up anal?”

  I flinch, and the truth almost seals my airway.

  He caresses my cheek. “I don’t need to see your expression to know you’ve got that same destroyed look on your face right now.”

  “I don’t know how to tell you this.”

  “You can talk to me.”

  “It was Pax.” The monster’s name catches in my throat. “He forced us into it after the summons.”

  Sebastian goes stock still, and that’s my breaking point. A sob breaks free, unchecked emotion dripping down my cheeks.

  “And it was…awful. So bad that I wished Liam had taken what he wanted on the island.” Just as my knees weaken, Sebastian grabs me around the waist, keeping me steady on my feet. It’s not forgiveness, but that single gesture from him is all I need right now.

  Because his touch, the warmth of his body, the weight of his silent support—it’s a culmination of reassurance that grounds me. Once the words pour out, I can’t stop them, and in between gut-wrenching sobs, I tell him about Pax’s evil cock device and what he threatened to do with it.

  “Liam didn’t want to go through with it—not like that—but the alternative was...” I shudder. “There was no alternative. Pax would have scarred me for life.”

  In more ways than one.

  “Baby—” Sebastian chokes out the endearment in a strangled whisper as his chest trembles against mine. “I’m such an ass.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I thought I lost you.”

  “Never.”

  “He had you on that island all to himself…leaving you there would have been the best thing for you.”

  “I wanted to come back to you.”

  And I did. It was hell at first, but it was worth it. Now that I’m back in his arms, I never want to let him go. Without thinking, I press up on my toes and seek his mouth. Pure instinct drives me, uncontrollable need, and despite history’s lesson on foolish actions and the consequences that go with them, there isn’t an atom in my body capable of keeping my lips from his.

  Only Sebastian has that power, and he wields it by gripping the back of my neck, denying me access to his mouth. I let out a gasp of hurt, because his rejection serves as a bitter reminder that forgiveness isn’t so easily given.

  He presses a thumb against my mouth. “We aren’t doing this again.”

  “Because you can’t forgive me?”

  Letting go of my neck, he tangles a hand in my hair and brushes a soft kiss on my forehead. “Because I just got my exile reversed, and I can’t lose you again.”

  “I’m sick of the rules and superstitions. I just want to be with you.”

  “We’ve got five more months and a lot of shit to work through first.”

  “Do you…?” I falter, wishing I could see his expression. “Do you still want to marry me?”

  “Yes,” he says without hesitation, even as he lets me go. “But we have to get there first, which means you need to go back to the ball before someone finds us in here.” He pulls the door open a crack, allowing a sliver of light to shine in from the hallway.

  “Are you coming back to the dance?”

  “I’ll be there in a few.”

  In the light, I catch him adjusting himself, and my blood simmers in my veins. No matter the betrayals and heartbreaks, we’ll always hunger for each other like an out-of-control fire consuming everything in its path.

  And all we can do is feed it.

  I slip into the hall, hot between the thighs, and wonder how I’ll find the nerve to submit to Ford’s request with Sebastian watching every moment from the crowd.

  4

  I arm myself with liquid courage, grabbing glass after glass from the waitstaff passing around fruit-infused bubbly. Champagne is supposed to be tart, not this sweet stuff that tastes like soda water. I doubt it’s meant to go down in a gulp or two, but I’m on my fifth glass when Sebastian enters the ballroom.

  He looks no less put-together than he did thirty minutes ago—black tux impeccable, hair combed back, cuff links fastened, silver mask in place—only now there’s a glow to his skin; a negligible sheen few would notice. I only recognize it because I’ve witnessed him in the aftermath of climax before.

  Swallowing a groan at the thought of him pleasuring himself, along with the rest of my champagne, I head straight for him, my steps uneven as the room spins. Along the way, I snatch another glass from a passing tray, and that’s when Landon inserts himself in my path.

  “You’ve had enough,” he says, commandeering my drink.

  “Keep it.” I jut my chin toward the crystal flute he stole. “There’s no shortage of champagne around here.”

  A frown tugs at his lips. “What are you doing, Novalee?”

  “Enjoying the ball.” Annoyance with his big-brother tactics builds, and I flutter my lashes at him. “Shouldn’t you be doing the same with your wife?”

  “I was until she pointed out you’re drinking your weight in champagne. Who do you think sent me over here?” He gestures toward Elise, and I spot my former lady sitting at a small table on the edge of the room. The low lighting shadows her features, but I imagine the worry pulling at her brows.

  It’s been too long since I’ve talked to her. Upon the realization, another bout of shame floods me. I’ve turned into the type of person I despise. Self-absorbed, unable to look beyond my own issues, consumed to the point that I forgot the one person in this tower who’s been there for me since the beginning.

  The floor seems to tilt again, and Landon steadies me with a hand on my shoulder. “Go sit with Elise for a while.”

  “I’m not a dog.”

  Landon narrows his eyes. “Of course you’re not a dog. You’re someone I care about, which is why I’m worried about you.” He leans forward, tightening his hand on my shoulder. “You’ve been through a lot, and you’re drunk and vulnerable right now.”

 

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